Saturday, April 19, 2014

The wounding of the heart. Pain. Overwhelms and settles down hard. 
Cutting off breath and life itself.
Struggling to see and walk. And breathe.
Sitting at the foot of the cross this black, sad Friday. The wounded, splintered, bloodied cross. 
The cold, hard truth of death. The End.
Sitting with the mess of my life. The wounded, splintered, bloodied mess.
Nothing left to hold on to. What is done is done. 
No more covered. No more hidden. It just is what it is. No undoing.

But wait. There is more. There is MORE!
This dark Friday is not the end! It is not over. It is not finished.
Waiting breathlessly at the tomb. Hoping with heart pounding against ribs. 
Hoping to see a beginning. Not an end!
That pain. That breath-stopping pain is washed away with the bloodied cross and 
Hope is rising again. 


Jesus on that wounded, splintered, bloodied cross took that pain.
That wounding pain and.. oh miracle! Took and healed it! 
With the blood gushing down over the splinters, washed the wounds.
And Life! Resurrected life is placed in my hands!
Yes, there was wounding and death. Cold, hard, black death.
But LIFE! Oh life! Swells and breathes. Beating hard against ribs in breathless joy! 
And miracles are birthed. 

It is not the End. It is the Beginning!!

Thursday, April 17, 2014

After the storm...
the rainbow.
After the wind...
the calm.
After the planting...
the harvest.
After the winter...
the spring.
After the tears...
the smiles.
After the pain...
the healing.
After the shame...
the dance!
After deep mourning...
great joy!

Sunday, November 10, 2013

A Jesus Letter

I love you!
You are beautiful to me.
I give you permission to dream big.
Reach for the stars.
Ask for the moon.
Taste the rain.
Allow yourself to feel.
Feel deeply.
I created you to do so.
Let yourself wonder, but don't become bitter.
I have a plan for you, and I will work it out in my time.
I don't waste your pain,
But you must be patient.
When it seems like I am not there, I am.
And I love you.
When the night is dark, I love you.
When you are angry, I love you.
When you are sad, I love you.
When you are pained deeply, I love you.
When you want it die, I still love you.
When you feel misunderstood, I am still here.
When you think I am not TRUTH, I don't love you less.
You totally meet my expectations.
I love you, I love you, I love you!
You don't have to DO anything to gain my approval.
I love you in eternity past, present, future.
It will never stop.
I want relationship with you.
I wanted it enough to die for you.
I want you to live with me forever.
Those hopes and dreams you have,
I gave them to you.
If you allow me entrance into the deepest parts of yourself,
Then I can do what I have set out to do in you.
When I live within you, your heart is good.
Because I am there.
I am asking you to dance with me.
Forget yourself in my embrace.
Lose yourself in the passion.
I love you in the dance.
When you experience profound joy, I love you.
I want you to feel the breeze..
To feel the joy.
Experience my kisses.
Yes, there is sorrow and shame, but you must learn
To let me handle them.
In me, you don't need to feel shame.
I made you
Just the way I wanted you.
You are beautiful.
You have what it takes.
You can..
Because is will enable you.
I have given you strength, ability, grace.
And I will always be here for you.
That's a promise.
 I love you.
You are beautiful to me.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

So I am going to take the plunge and "do school" again.
Some days I think, "Hurray!! Can't wait. This is gonna be so much fun!"
Then there are other days.
Those other days scream and stomp their feet and whisper doubts into my head. They try to make me believe I will never make it. It's all too hard. And WHO do I think I am anyway! They try to make me do the whole class before I've even started and then shout accusations when I can't seem to get it together.

Because, of course, no one can really accomplish anything before they've even started, can they? I can't plan out the whole school thing and see exactly how it will work and how it will end. My mind wants to have everything figured out and know the steps and see the final outcome.But that is impossible.

The reality is, a great deal of this is learning to simply trust God. Simply trust that I will be able to walk as HE directs. For each of the steps I take, HE is ahead of me. HE is in the tomorrow and I simply have to trust that HE is not fretting or worrying about things. HE has it all figured out, and nothing will surprise HIM. HE is big enough to carry me through each moment of every day. I do not have to have it all planned out. All I have to do is take one step at a time and leave the outcome up to HIM.

And in the trusting, there is rest.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Mothers' Day Thoughts

I am not a mother..
I cannot proudly post pictures of my amazing children
For I do not have any.

But am I really NOT a mother?
For I have certainly "mothered" more children than any mother
Could possibly conceive biologically.
Women were created to nurture
And if mothering means nurturing than I am a mother.

There is no one to blame, for they do not know better
But instead of ignoring me because you do not know what to say
Just acknowledge on this important day
That I am no less a woman for not having someone to call me Mommy.
Do not be afraid to tell me
That my role in YOUR childrens' lives is important.

Sometimes your children tell me things they would never dream of telling you.

At night I carry the burden of worry for those little ones that I cannot protect always.
I can only give them what I can in the short hours I see them during the day.
But I carry what they have said in my heart.
I pray and cry for those who are beaten and abused and torn between loyalty and pain
That you have inflicted...

And still you refuse to see me as more than one of those sad people who
Never had children... who do not understand the difficulty in the daily work of raising children.
But what you forget is that I've "mothered" so many
I see the pain that no one else sees. I carry their tears and their heartaches.

No I do not tuck them in at night.
No I do not feed them breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
No I do not see all their temper tantrums.
No I do not settle all their sibling squabbles.

But I've nurtured no less than 50 children.
I've mothered them and hugged them and cared about the tears they've cried.
I've done what I could.
And though my arms and heart ache to do more
To have someone call me Mommy
I can only "mother" other mothers' children.

To those who've allowed me to mother your children.
I am proud of you for allowing me into your homes and hearts.
It helps the "mother" ache to be able to love your young ones.
Hats off to you!!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

The Little Ones

To the children
We are the Gospel
The smile or the scorn
Will speak Jesus to them
Correctly or wrongly
We are the Gospel
By being.
So much time and energy
Is put into creating better
And bigger
Sunday schools and systems
But forgotten
Are the smiles and words
Of encouragement and affirmation